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We don’t know how or when reflective (mimetic) consciousness developed in humans. But somehow we are condemned to seeing our “selves” through the imaginary eyes of imaginary others. Somehow we are condemned to struggle to manage HOW we imagine ourselves and therefore HOW OTHERS imagine us. Our psyches are therefore infinitely brittle, infinitely permeable, infinitely expansive, infinitely intrusive, infinitely malicious, infinitely dangerous, and infinitely generative, rapacious, compassionate, hopeful, and abject.

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Also infinitely forgiving.

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You put your hand in the lion’s mouth and let the blood soak their teeth. The blood is yours, but you apologize anyway. “I’m sorry for the blood,” you say, “and I’m sorry for the hunger.”

I once wrote this in a letter to a friend: "I wish you wouldn’t light yourself on fire for other people, because I think that there’s a part of you that likes that about yourself, even though you know it’s not good. There’s a part of me that likes that about you too. "

There's this tendency among the kind to bear the weight of morality even if it's not theirs. They are infinitely kind to others and infinitely punishing to themselves. It's hypocritical. It's arrogant. Yet there is this shining allure to it nonetheless.

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I think it's so heartbreaking (and also so true) to call it arrogance because that's what it is

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I love that you’re someone who picked up that word choice, so many nuances to it <3 if I could superlike this response I would

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Absolutely beautiful prose I want this in a book so that I can highlight every line; so powerful, so poignant. This piece reminded me of the Richard Siken line: "Sorry for the blood in your mouth/I wish it was mine".

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tysm!!!!! and i think of that line so often being compared to Richard Siken is probably the biggest compliment anyone could give me ever

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You deserve all the amazing compliments for such beautiful writing!

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this is like coughing up my heart and swallowing it back down. just phenomenal

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oh wow thank u so much 🥹

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your writing is so moving. the metaphor of cannibalism to describe the diverse feelings and the struggle with one's own nature is so intense, i loved every word.

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oh my god thank u so much 🥹 that means so much coming from you

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i think this is the best thing ive ever read (genuinely). poignant, stunning, and beautifully written.

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thank you so so much 😭❤️

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i feel like a bot commenting on all your posts saying how gorgeous your writing is but IT’S STILL TRUE!!!

you write with this heart-crushing impact carried in every paragraph. every time i finish reading any of your essays, i get inspired to plan one. the cannibalism metaphor has been something of my interest, and the way you correlated it with the intense feeling of accepting your own nature (from my personal interpretation, accepting that you love differently) is SOOOO poignant. you’re driving me insane (in a good good good way!!!)

okay i should stop here but your pen is ELITE. love u n ur writing !! 🫶

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Thank u so much!! I appreciate every comment u leave so I'm super glad u rlly like my work :)

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npnppp !! youre awesome

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just read the last part and when i tell u my bones and all obsession has come back (it never left). that film is so dear to me :') and this piece extracted much of the emotions i wanted to feel again as i thought of rewatching the film today. cannibalism metaphor 🫂

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thank you so much!!! love that movie (and the book version - very rare instance where i like both equally but also separately) ty for reading :)

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You write in ways that touch the inside of a soul.

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Thank you so much!!

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This kind of reminded me of the Antifragility idea and how dying makes others strong. Not the suffering, but rather the sacrifice of others.

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Oh interesting! I've never heard of that before tysm for sharing :)

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wow. this came a nice time for me. thank you and happy lunar eclipse :)

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thank you! it’s also autumn festival so i’m eating moon cakes as im writing this :)

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oooh i would kill for a moon cake rn :) enjoy and happy autumn festival!

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Impactful writing.

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ty!!

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wow, this came at the perfect time, beautifully thought out and written, i am so moved ♡☆♡☆

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tysm <3!!

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the descriptive writing. oh im in love🤩🤌🏻

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Tysm <3

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This is the kind of reading that keeps you up at night with a head full of thoughts and a hundred journal pages to be filled <3 so so beautiful!

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oh wow thank you so much!

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this is insanely gorgeously written

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ELLE FROM POSTCARDS BY ELLE??????????? thank you thank you thank you 😭😭😭

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