hi baby. i had to come back to this to explain how i felt. after reading this, i wallowed around my house like some pathetic little dog. my mom had to call my name three times before i paid attention. as a haitian-american, the hyphenate has become the same shape of my spine.
i'm often told i'm american, but i seem to be the only one sick over not being able to go back to my homeland. my parents struck those dreams down because the country is in shambles, said i'll be kidnapped. but ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to go missing, if only to see what others do.
i can't speak creole anymore, but i understand. receptive bilingualism, they call it. by haitian standards i do everything right (except being sapphic which we all ignore) so i guess my homeland is in me. they tell me i should take it out, but i'd be nothing without it.
GOD this comment was so heartfelt + it's funny bc my parents always say the same thing when we visit relatives - to stay close by or else you'll be kidnapped and sent to the countryside! and I feel language is almost this perfect simmered down version of the entire metaphor bc u speak bits and pieces of the language and ur bits and pieces of this culture and the language is abt as half formed as i am and i don't feel quite right with it or without it :')
Ilysm this one's for u
(Also "the hyphenate has become the same shape of my spine" !!!! insanity u r so so so incredible the way ur mind works)
reading this comment was quite a lot. I grew up being taught hebrew by my father and english by my mother, at the start i spoke mostly hebrew and then my father got busy and it was just my mother teaching me. i don't know hebrew at all right now. i can manage based on tone and a few words here and there but for the most part im out of my depth. it was my first language and now I don't know it anymore. the implications are frightening. I'm glad im not going through it alone
when people ask me, "why don't you call yourself nigerian british" it is because I know enough about history to know nigeria was a name colonially bestowed by a white woman. my country is not even its own home. this, among so many other things, have meant i've been trying to refurbish my relationship to "home", which feels complicated when you're yoruba-british but don't speak yoruba. even if i learn now, it won't be quick enough to have a full conversation with my grandmother. i'd be an outsider with two tongues. which used to make me sad but i think now the sadness has dissipated into a game or sport. how will i carve a home like the Al-Khazneh in the cliffs of Jordan? it probably won't look pretty for anyone who has to watch the labour. but people might look in awe when I'm done. the beauty was never for them, though. i think, even if i wasn't cracked between two worlds, i'd still be an outsider. i'd still look around the place i'd know is my home and see the seams fraying. i think if i belonged, i'd still not feel slotted in and snug. but thats easy to say when you know you're an exile. just some thoughts your piece ignited in me. thank you for sharing it.
thank u so so much for sharing ur experience. the whole idea of a country not even being its own home is ☹️ i love the way you describe building ur own home out of it tho "outsider with two tongues" and "cracked between two worlds" is a rlly poetic way of putting it haha + i think sometimes the idea of slotting in perfectly is a myth and it's harder for some ppl than others but the idea of a "perfect fit" isn't real and we gotta work with what we got :) ty so much for reading and sharing this was such an incredible comment to read thank u
My feelings staring back at me in words and experience i didn’t write nor live… Truly feel this in my bones thank you for sharing this as beautifully as you always do
I felt this in my bones. You so beautifully and painstakingly explained the very fabric of my being, the very battle that tears at my flesh everyday. The concept of 'never belonging' has been the topic of my work for so many years and this is one of the first things I have read that has almost completely broken my heart open — in a good, 'you're not alone', kind of way. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being. And, for what its worth, you are enough as you are. <3
In a need to hug you tight Wenyi, for pouring your heart out. I get the whole thing you wrote. I've lived in Saudi for 18 years, so my home country doesn't feel my country at all.
Oh wow. this is incredible. you perfectly encapsulated the experience of every “-american”. i wish i had a more eloquent comment to leave you but i’m just astounded.
This is such a comfort read <33 I felt so seen. My experience stemmed more from being a third culture kid. I can speak our language, but my spelling is atrocious so it makes texting awkward huhu
Thank u!!! I remember learning abt third culture kids in school when I was an international student :')! I'm the same way I use google translate whenever I have to write anything
someday you will find the people who will get you even if it's thru the internet I am still real and u r also real and there's 7 billion ppl in the world and even if sometimes it seems like all 7 billion are vastly different u will find the ones that are not so vastly different bc we're all human and it's what happens :)
hi baby. i had to come back to this to explain how i felt. after reading this, i wallowed around my house like some pathetic little dog. my mom had to call my name three times before i paid attention. as a haitian-american, the hyphenate has become the same shape of my spine.
i'm often told i'm american, but i seem to be the only one sick over not being able to go back to my homeland. my parents struck those dreams down because the country is in shambles, said i'll be kidnapped. but ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to go missing, if only to see what others do.
i can't speak creole anymore, but i understand. receptive bilingualism, they call it. by haitian standards i do everything right (except being sapphic which we all ignore) so i guess my homeland is in me. they tell me i should take it out, but i'd be nothing without it.
i love you.
GOD this comment was so heartfelt + it's funny bc my parents always say the same thing when we visit relatives - to stay close by or else you'll be kidnapped and sent to the countryside! and I feel language is almost this perfect simmered down version of the entire metaphor bc u speak bits and pieces of the language and ur bits and pieces of this culture and the language is abt as half formed as i am and i don't feel quite right with it or without it :')
Ilysm this one's for u
(Also "the hyphenate has become the same shape of my spine" !!!! insanity u r so so so incredible the way ur mind works)
reading this comment was quite a lot. I grew up being taught hebrew by my father and english by my mother, at the start i spoke mostly hebrew and then my father got busy and it was just my mother teaching me. i don't know hebrew at all right now. i can manage based on tone and a few words here and there but for the most part im out of my depth. it was my first language and now I don't know it anymore. the implications are frightening. I'm glad im not going through it alone
<3
i’ve been thinking about this since you posted it. i have no words but i understand you. giving you the tightest hug.
when people ask me, "why don't you call yourself nigerian british" it is because I know enough about history to know nigeria was a name colonially bestowed by a white woman. my country is not even its own home. this, among so many other things, have meant i've been trying to refurbish my relationship to "home", which feels complicated when you're yoruba-british but don't speak yoruba. even if i learn now, it won't be quick enough to have a full conversation with my grandmother. i'd be an outsider with two tongues. which used to make me sad but i think now the sadness has dissipated into a game or sport. how will i carve a home like the Al-Khazneh in the cliffs of Jordan? it probably won't look pretty for anyone who has to watch the labour. but people might look in awe when I'm done. the beauty was never for them, though. i think, even if i wasn't cracked between two worlds, i'd still be an outsider. i'd still look around the place i'd know is my home and see the seams fraying. i think if i belonged, i'd still not feel slotted in and snug. but thats easy to say when you know you're an exile. just some thoughts your piece ignited in me. thank you for sharing it.
thank u so so much for sharing ur experience. the whole idea of a country not even being its own home is ☹️ i love the way you describe building ur own home out of it tho "outsider with two tongues" and "cracked between two worlds" is a rlly poetic way of putting it haha + i think sometimes the idea of slotting in perfectly is a myth and it's harder for some ppl than others but the idea of a "perfect fit" isn't real and we gotta work with what we got :) ty so much for reading and sharing this was such an incredible comment to read thank u
this is insane this is everything I wanted to write but never could
tysm <3 !!! and that's how I feel abt ur writing too 🥺
wow
tysm :)
My feelings staring back at me in words and experience i didn’t write nor live… Truly feel this in my bones thank you for sharing this as beautifully as you always do
p.s. i have the same 逸 in my name as well :)
ahhh thank u !!!! + omg we r name twins 👯♀️
this was absolutely beautiful and i understood every feeling in this. thank you for letting us read this
thank u so much :')
I felt this in my bones. You so beautifully and painstakingly explained the very fabric of my being, the very battle that tears at my flesh everyday. The concept of 'never belonging' has been the topic of my work for so many years and this is one of the first things I have read that has almost completely broken my heart open — in a good, 'you're not alone', kind of way. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being. And, for what its worth, you are enough as you are. <3
Thank u so much for reading :) I'm so glad it resonated with u! + you're not alone :)
one day, your pen will eventually stab me. so so beautiful 🫶🫂
thank u so much :)
In a need to hug you tight Wenyi, for pouring your heart out. I get the whole thing you wrote. I've lived in Saudi for 18 years, so my home country doesn't feel my country at all.
Awww thank u so much <3 and I know how that feels :') it's tough being an immigrant
Oh wow. this is incredible. you perfectly encapsulated the experience of every “-american”. i wish i had a more eloquent comment to leave you but i’m just astounded.
Thank u so much :)
This is such a comfort read <33 I felt so seen. My experience stemmed more from being a third culture kid. I can speak our language, but my spelling is atrocious so it makes texting awkward huhu
Thank u!!! I remember learning abt third culture kids in school when I was an international student :')! I'm the same way I use google translate whenever I have to write anything
oh my god??? you write so beautifully and authentically it’s insane. probably my favorite piece of yours😭❤️
Thank u so much :)
I mourn the fact that the only person who seems to get me is an internet stranger
someday you will find the people who will get you even if it's thru the internet I am still real and u r also real and there's 7 billion ppl in the world and even if sometimes it seems like all 7 billion are vastly different u will find the ones that are not so vastly different bc we're all human and it's what happens :)
it feels illegal reading this for free. i feel like this should be in the New Yorker or something
omg thank u 🥹
Ugh so beautifulll stabbed me in the heart
Thank u so much :)
I feel like this about Spain and Germany, I feel a bit sad about both for different reasons
:') I feel a bit sad abt both the US and china for different reasons too